Bleeding Edge

Bleeding Edge

by Carlo Longino




The Latest iPod Killer -- Breast iMplants

from the hi-dr-nick dept

Researchers at BT Laboratories say that within 15 years, women will be able to store MP3 players and their music collection in breast implants. "One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection," apparently. The implants would transmit sound and be controlled over Bluetooth, and could also work with sensors to detect heart murmurs, blood pressure increases, diabetes and breast cancer. Sounds really great and everything -- but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity, a color screen, or plays video? Sounds like the upgrade could be pretty painful. The BT boffin says, "if a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful" -- but why just breast implants when it seems like they could be implanted anywhere? Why not make buttocks more useful, or shins? But I guess that's the perk of a BT research job -- sit around all day thinking about boobs and music.

20 Comments | Leave a Comment..

 
 

Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 9:54am

    Nice!

    by WhiteNoize

    I'll mary the first girl who gets this! But wait, will that make them lumpy? Good thing MP3's don't skip! Now if they would put a speaker in each one... Hummmm

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  2. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:03am

    Wow..

    by Jimmy

    Makes me wanna get an ipod shuffle implanted in "lil Jimmy".

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  3. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:13am

    New model what?

    "but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity"

    You have to ask? 8-)

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  4. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:15am

    hacked boobs?

    by Ron

    I hope that bluetooth is more secure by then. I'd hate to have my wife's breasts hacked into.

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  5. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:20am

    My new pick-up line

    by Boilerbob

    "Let's go to my place and listen to music!"

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  6. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:22am

    Re: hacked boobs?

    by A. Guy

    [insert anti-virus joke]
    naw....thats just gross

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  7. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:35am

    Re: Wow..

    by Mikey

    better yet, those sony players with the memory stick might come in handy for the male..Id have a lot of storage capacity myself.....

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  8. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:45am

    Video, eh?

    by JBB

    So, honey, what's on the Boob tube tonight?

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  9. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:47am

    I get to be the first to say...

    by Pete Austin

    Stereo!

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  10. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 10:51am

    No Subject Given

    "But I guess that's the perk of a BT research job -- sit around all day thinking about boobs and music." Haha! That would be the perky part of the job.

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  11. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 11:19am

    No Subject Given

    by Dan

    "but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity, a color screen, or plays video?"
    I wonder where the screen would go. Would the resolution be bigger or smaller depending on the size of the person?

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  12. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 11:35am

    ILarger!

    by Mr. Big

    No point in making iPods smaller then.

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  13. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 11:56am

    Next Apple product...

    by Ryan

    I think apple should market this service.. and call it "iTits"

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  14. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 12:21pm

    boob toob

    by don

    Really, I think this is a bunch of Malarky. Kinda funny though

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  15. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 12:51pm

    No Subject Given

    by Anonymous Coward

    Just great! So now men can say they were just interested in our “music collection” when they’re staring at our chest?! At least come up with a similar product for men……..it obviously would require less memory… and would theirs send a signal to the guy if he’s erroneously “downloaded” his music collection on someone else’s “drive”?! Don’t get me started! ;)

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  16. Oct 13th, 2005 @ 4:37pm

    LOL > boob tube

    by Seamus

    If there are MP3s in there, I'm sure it won't be long until being an investigator for the RIAA becomes a popular part time job. I could use a night job like that. ;)

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  17. Oct 22nd, 2005 @ 10:08pm

    ipods in boobs

    by Bryan Anderson

    I'm sorry but i dont want to be fucking my girlfriend, go to grab her boobs and feel a lumb.... "um... honey... whats that lump in your breast??"

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  18. Dec 27th, 2006 @ 2:27pm
    by GRiM_BoB

    If I were a girl, I would gladly make my breasts but bluetooth devices with some flesh-padding and nipple-button-dials.

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  19. Dec 28th, 2006 @ 5:33am
    by Jimbo

    So how would they be powered? Do they tap into the body's energy supply? Does this mean increased calorie usage? It's the idea that keeps on giving!

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

  20. Apr 17th, 2007 @ 5:35am

    Oh My!

    by Chris_2009

    How would you charge the device would you have to shake your boobs like you do with the flashlights.

    (reply to this comment) (link to this comment)

Add Your Comment

Have a Techdirt Account? Sign in now. Want one? Register here
Get Techdirt’s Daily Email
Plain Text HTML Save me a cookie
  • Plain Text: A CRLF will be replaced by break <br> tag, all other allowable HTML is intact
  • HTML: No formatting of any kind is done without explicitly being written in
  • Allowed HTML Tags: <b> <i> <p> <a> <em> <br> <strong> <blockquote> <hr> <tt>
Close
Have a Techdirt Account? Sign in now. Want one? Register here
Get Techdirt’s Daily Email
Plain Text HTML Save me a cookie

Search Techdirt
And now, a word from our Sponsors..



Subscribe to Techdirt's Daily Email Newsletter

Techdirt's Daily Email Newsletter

Related Stories
Close
E-mail It